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A reason for life
Like a lot of people, I've always wonder what is the purpose of life. I've discounted religion and fate and wheels of life. What we have is here and now. So what makes someone a good person? What makes them worthy? Who will remember them after they have passed? Who will miss them when they have gone? Who would miss me?
Clearly some people have a large impact on the world. Newton, Einstein, Hawking...
What about me? What impact have I had? Feh, a few BOFHs know me. Maybe some respect me enough to consider me a peer. Others probably consider me an arsehole. Cos I am; an arsehole, that is.
But is respect of a few geeks sufficient? It doesn't mean I've done anything with my life. I could have never existed and they wouldn't care. My life has had no meaning.
Until I met Tori. Suddenly my existence made someone else happy. I could improve their life, teach them, learn from them, improve their life. From something as small as helping balance a cheque book, to something as large as being a shoulder to cry on. I believe I have improved Tori's life. Finally my life means something; I have positively impacted one other person.
Of course, I don't have much to teach. Tori soon learnt my lessons. What she does with them is her choice, but I know I can leave this world knowing I have improved her. I think that makes me a good person.
But now what? I have little left to teach Tori. My arsehole nature starts to shine through. I fight with her, I argue with her. I fight against my pledge to her. What use am I now?
Today I heard two reasons... the first is a repetition of a refrain heard before. Tori is in the center of many points of dissent in the family. She's the natural "go between". This causes her stress. And she tells me that I keep her sane. She can rant to me and my stability gives her the strength to continue.
The second was from Julie; she considers me a safe person and a grounding point in reality. I'm the person she can turn to and trust. When she needs to rant about her past or present, when she needs to release tension then she knows she can turn to me. Maybe all I do is listen, but I don't judge, I don't condem, I try to understand.
And maybe that's my role in life. To be the listener, the confidant, the trustee. I'm the 'nice guy', and we all know that nice guys finish last. But that's not so important. There are now two people who need me. I'm the shoulder to cry on; the person who hugs you when you need it.
Maybe I have a reason to keep going, after all.
Clearly some people have a large impact on the world. Newton, Einstein, Hawking...
What about me? What impact have I had? Feh, a few BOFHs know me. Maybe some respect me enough to consider me a peer. Others probably consider me an arsehole. Cos I am; an arsehole, that is.
But is respect of a few geeks sufficient? It doesn't mean I've done anything with my life. I could have never existed and they wouldn't care. My life has had no meaning.
Until I met Tori. Suddenly my existence made someone else happy. I could improve their life, teach them, learn from them, improve their life. From something as small as helping balance a cheque book, to something as large as being a shoulder to cry on. I believe I have improved Tori's life. Finally my life means something; I have positively impacted one other person.
Of course, I don't have much to teach. Tori soon learnt my lessons. What she does with them is her choice, but I know I can leave this world knowing I have improved her. I think that makes me a good person.
But now what? I have little left to teach Tori. My arsehole nature starts to shine through. I fight with her, I argue with her. I fight against my pledge to her. What use am I now?
Today I heard two reasons... the first is a repetition of a refrain heard before. Tori is in the center of many points of dissent in the family. She's the natural "go between". This causes her stress. And she tells me that I keep her sane. She can rant to me and my stability gives her the strength to continue.
The second was from Julie; she considers me a safe person and a grounding point in reality. I'm the person she can turn to and trust. When she needs to rant about her past or present, when she needs to release tension then she knows she can turn to me. Maybe all I do is listen, but I don't judge, I don't condem, I try to understand.
And maybe that's my role in life. To be the listener, the confidant, the trustee. I'm the 'nice guy', and we all know that nice guys finish last. But that's not so important. There are now two people who need me. I'm the shoulder to cry on; the person who hugs you when you need it.
Maybe I have a reason to keep going, after all.