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Me and my family
Jun. 19th, 2006 09:50 pmIn a lot of ways I'm not close to my family. I'm a pretty independent person; I don't need anyone in order to make my way in the world. I don't obsessively call my parents every week (let alone every other day, like some people!) in order to chat with them and catch up on their lives. I'm not sure the last time I spoke to my brother. But this lack of outward expression of familial love doesn't really mean anything. My family has been the foundation of my life. I know there is love there, and that if I needed support (if I could overcome my arrogance and shame) then it would be there. I've never had any major arguments with my family; I know I am always welcome and loved, despite my life choices not exactly being in their comprehension.
In its way, I'm reminded of an Avon quote from Blake's 7
I have never understood why it should be necessary to become irrational in order to prove that you care. Or indeed why it should be necessary to prove it -- at all
I love my family and I would be very distressed if any of them died. And yet this is what is visible on the horizon. My dad is 68, mum is 64. Dad is undergoing surgery soon because his ankles have given out and he's finding it hard to walk. Mum had to retire early because her bones are crumbling. Mortality is looming over them. Selfishly, I hope their passing will be quick like grandads (Mum's dad, who died in his sleep) rather than Nan's (Dad's mum, who lost her mind and whose body didn't give up until long after). I don't know if I could face the pain my Dad had to, seeing his mum in such a state. I'm selfish.
Moving to America caused me to uproot most of my life. I have little foundation or support here. Tori and the family try, but they just don't quite grasp the problem. Life is always a fight just to stand still because America is hard for a non native. When my parents do die, and it will happen, then a major foundation stone of my life will be knocked away. I hope I'll be strong enough to survive it.
In its way, I'm reminded of an Avon quote from Blake's 7
I have never understood why it should be necessary to become irrational in order to prove that you care. Or indeed why it should be necessary to prove it -- at all
I love my family and I would be very distressed if any of them died. And yet this is what is visible on the horizon. My dad is 68, mum is 64. Dad is undergoing surgery soon because his ankles have given out and he's finding it hard to walk. Mum had to retire early because her bones are crumbling. Mortality is looming over them. Selfishly, I hope their passing will be quick like grandads (Mum's dad, who died in his sleep) rather than Nan's (Dad's mum, who lost her mind and whose body didn't give up until long after). I don't know if I could face the pain my Dad had to, seeing his mum in such a state. I'm selfish.
Moving to America caused me to uproot most of my life. I have little foundation or support here. Tori and the family try, but they just don't quite grasp the problem. Life is always a fight just to stand still because America is hard for a non native. When my parents do die, and it will happen, then a major foundation stone of my life will be knocked away. I hope I'll be strong enough to survive it.
