Out of strength

In the family I seem to be the strong one; the rock that people can smash their issues against and rant against and let things go. I take pleasure from being trusted by people that they can open up to me. It's nice to be trusted. It's nice to know that my partners will open up to me. It's trust that keeps this family together and I feel I've become a vital component in the cogs.

But it's hard work. I sometimes feel I can't let my complaints known because if I do then my partners lose an outlet that keeps them sane.

so I work on methods to keep myself sane, so I can be the strong person that the rest can lean on.

But it's hard. Sometimes I fail. I'm sorry, my loved ones; sometimes I might bitch and be abrupt. Please know that you can cry on my shoulder; it's just sometimes that shoulder has it's own problems. I never want you to feel you can't depend on me. I'll always be there for you. Just... sometimes I need my own supports.

I wonder if this is why I've started drinking when I otherwise wouldn't. Hmm. In 1999 it was a sign that I hated my job and so I got a new one soon afterwards. A good job. If I hadn't moved to New York then I'd have paid off my mortgage by now.

Now? Why am I drinking now?

( Robbie Williams, 'Strong' )