Out of strength

[sweh]

In the family I seem to be the strong one; the rock that people can smash their issues against and rant against and let things go. I take pleasure from being trusted by people that they can open up to me. It's nice to be trusted. It's nice to know that my partners will open up to me. It's trust that keeps this family together and I feel I've become a vital component in the cogs.

But it's hard work. I sometimes feel I can't let my complaints known because if I do then my partners lose an outlet that keeps them sane.

so I work on methods to keep myself sane, so I can be the strong person that the rest can lean on.

But it's hard. Sometimes I fail. I'm sorry, my loved ones; sometimes I might bitch and be abrupt. Please know that you can cry on my shoulder; it's just sometimes that shoulder has it's own problems. I never want you to feel you can't depend on me. I'll always be there for you. Just... sometimes I need my own supports.

I wonder if this is why I've started drinking when I otherwise wouldn't. Hmm. In 1999 it was a sign that I hated my job and so I got a new one soon afterwards. A good job. If I hadn't moved to New York then I'd have paid off my mortgage by now.

Now? Why am I drinking now?

Robbie Williams, 'Strong'

My breath smells of a thousand fags
And when I'm drunk I dance like me dad;
I've started to dress a bit like him.

Early morning when I wake up
I look like Kiss but without the make up;
And thats a good line to take it to the bridge.

And you know and you know
'Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow
So before I'm old I'll confess

You think that I'm strong,
You're wrong,
You're wrong.

I'll sing my song,
My song,
My song.

My bed's full of takeaways
And fantasies of easy lays;
The pause button's broke on my video.

And is this real 'cos I feel fake;
Oprah Winfrey, Ricky Lake
Teach me things I don't need to know.

And you know and you know
'Cos my life's a mess
And it starting to show so before
I'm old I'll confess

You think that I'm strong,
you're wrong,
You're wrong.

I'll sing my song,
my song,
my song.

If I did it all again I'd be a nun
The rain was never cold when I was young
I'm still young; we're still young (step inside the sun)
Life's too short to be afraid
Step inside the sun

And you know and you know
'Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow
hey hey !

You think that I'm strong,
you're wrong,
You're wrong.

I'll sing my song,
my song,
my song.

Life's too short to be afraid
So take a pill to numb the pain
You don't have to take the blame

{fading}
Life's too short to be afraid
So take a pill to numb the pain
You don't have to take the blame