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I want to be free to be me
Jun. 13th, 2014 09:29 pm( funny; google search returns the Queen song as #1 song even though that's "I want to _break_ free"; I was actually after the Toyah song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2E6_NmljsEg )
This is a song of rebellion (and I think https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7acOh0UzHI explains some of it).
But it resonates with me at my ancient "get off my lawn" age of 40-something.
I sometimes feel frustrated. I've been inculcated with a sense of "normality". Part of that is because I always stood out (tallest in the class; ginger hair; smartest in the class; "boffin"; etc) so didn't want to draw attention to myself. Part of it is because my Mum was a teacher (she told me once to think on how it reflected on her, as a teacher, if her child plays up). Part of it may be just English-ness ("stiff upper lip", "grin and bear it", etc etc).
What is means, though, is that it's VERY VERY hard for me to break out and be "odd".
(Which may surprise some of you, who are aware of my openness around my sexuality).
I don't like men's clothes. Trousers are so boring. I go to work wearing underpants, socks, trousers, shirt, shoes. Each day. Every day. I'd love to wear a skirt. Or thigh-high boots. Nail varnish. Chunky necklace. Note: I don't want to cross dress; I don't want to dress up like a woman; but I do want to wear some of the clothes that (in this day and age) are limited to women.
I can't, of course. It's not just the dress code policy (which forbids this). It's also the inculcated sense of "normality". I could wear a skirt on weekends; nail varnish; necklace... go to the store, walk down the street like this. But then I'd be worried "what would the neighbours think; what would the minimum wage employee think" and so on.
In some ways my relationship with Tori makes is simpler; she orders me to wear my collar; I do. No choice. Nothing I can do about it. She's ordered me to wear nail varnish; I did. (In 2001 I did it to work; after a week I took it off and my boss said "I'm glad you got rid of that; it looked out of place").
So I look at Toyah; I look at her appearance; I hear the words.... and I wish I was that strong; I wish I could be free to be me!
Maybe I'm going through middle-age... :-)
( lyrics )
This is a song of rebellion (and I think https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7acOh0UzHI explains some of it).
But it resonates with me at my ancient "get off my lawn" age of 40-something.
I sometimes feel frustrated. I've been inculcated with a sense of "normality". Part of that is because I always stood out (tallest in the class; ginger hair; smartest in the class; "boffin"; etc) so didn't want to draw attention to myself. Part of it is because my Mum was a teacher (she told me once to think on how it reflected on her, as a teacher, if her child plays up). Part of it may be just English-ness ("stiff upper lip", "grin and bear it", etc etc).
What is means, though, is that it's VERY VERY hard for me to break out and be "odd".
(Which may surprise some of you, who are aware of my openness around my sexuality).
I don't like men's clothes. Trousers are so boring. I go to work wearing underpants, socks, trousers, shirt, shoes. Each day. Every day. I'd love to wear a skirt. Or thigh-high boots. Nail varnish. Chunky necklace. Note: I don't want to cross dress; I don't want to dress up like a woman; but I do want to wear some of the clothes that (in this day and age) are limited to women.
I can't, of course. It's not just the dress code policy (which forbids this). It's also the inculcated sense of "normality". I could wear a skirt on weekends; nail varnish; necklace... go to the store, walk down the street like this. But then I'd be worried "what would the neighbours think; what would the minimum wage employee think" and so on.
In some ways my relationship with Tori makes is simpler; she orders me to wear my collar; I do. No choice. Nothing I can do about it. She's ordered me to wear nail varnish; I did. (In 2001 I did it to work; after a week I took it off and my boss said "I'm glad you got rid of that; it looked out of place").
So I look at Toyah; I look at her appearance; I hear the words.... and I wish I was that strong; I wish I could be free to be me!
Maybe I'm going through middle-age... :-)
( lyrics )
