Helpless

[sweh]

My best friend's mother has just died.

That statement requires some expansion...

I love Tori. She's married. I consider her husband, Steve, as a friend. The best friend I have in New York. Only one person in my life (Ewan! Hi, if you're here... doubt it) have I ever felt closer to as a friend. I have *no* idea if Steve feels the same about me. I know he likes me, which is good. But, from my perspective, he is my best friend.

Tonight I come home from the pub and find my best friend's mum has died.

Shit.

Dunno what to do.

I tell Tori I'll do whatever she needs. Feed cats, water plants, whatever.. yet I told Tori that. Didn't speak to Steve. Tried calling again, but the machine went to voicemail... didn't speak to Steve. Sent email.

Shit.

Don't want to call to force myself on them. Calling and imposing myself on their grief... I don't want that.... Hope they'll read my email before travelling.

Feel inadequate. Helpless.